Cute Lil' Snake

I was doing some clean-up work in the garden today, and as I was pulling spent bean vines, (minding my own business, don't you know), and I saw what looked like a great big worm. I can be kind of slow, but eventually I figured out that it was a snake. A SNAKE! IN MY GARDEN! UNDER MY DADGUM BEAN VINES! RIGHT BESIDE MY HAND! And, if this weren't bad enough, he was leering at me! I tell you what, that snake had his nerve, invading my garden, eating my bugs, leering at me! What is this world coming to, when an innocent person, (who is minding their own business), can't go out into the lovely world that God has so generously created for us, without encountering bugs, rodents, and reptiles? I've had my share of these creatures all summer long; all I needed to complete the trio was to see a snake. I'm complete now; the snake I've seen. There he was, hiding under the bean vines, (which were HUGE, by the way), slithering along in a concrete block, looking for all manner of things to eat, and he looked at me like I had the nerve to mess up HIS day, by tearing down all of his lovely bean vines! What makes creatures think that they can just trespass on someone's property and lolly-gag around, doing whatever, without a care in the world, la-di-da? So, I'll tell you what I did; I grabbed me a big stick, crept up on him from behind, (although this was hard to do, because he kept squirming around), and got ready to WHOMP the tar out of him............. when I got to thinking........... wait a minute. Didn't I read somewhere that 1. the bees and butterflies pollinate the vegetables and flowers 2. the toads , bats, and the lizards eat all the creepies 3. and the snakes catch vermin!
Let's see, let me think about this a minute; (you remember I told you from the first that I was not the sharpest tool in the shed?) Hmmm, a snake in the garden might not be such a bad thing after all. Lets add up all the reasons why I should not whomp this bugger, right where he slithers. 1. He eats vermin. (well, he will someday, when he grows about two more feet; did I mention that he was only about twelve inches long? too little to make snake stew out of , sheepish grin............) 2. He actually wasn't leering at me after all; it's kind of hard to tell if a creature is leering at you when you can't see his eyeballs very well, because they are pin-pricks in the sunshine. 3. He was kinda cute; he was all curled up, ( it kinda looked like he was posing, really! ), and he was flicking his tongue at me, (you know that snakes use their tongues to check out the world around them, don't you?), and yes, I could swear that he was winking at me! (Ok, maybe he wasn't winking, snakes don't have eyelids, after all............. or do they?) 4. He wasn't lunging at me with intent on bodily harm; actually he looked kind of docile, come to think of it. 5. And, (drum roll please), he is already in the process of eating vermin! He's not big enough yet for mice and rats, but some day he will be, and in the meantime, he can cut his teeth on crickets and other such creepie-crawlies. And if something in my garden is willing to eat the creepie-crawlies, then have at it brother! All of that said, I just couldn't bring myself to whomp him, he was just too little and cute. Problem was, I didn't know if he was poisonous or not. I'm not a snake expert, and he couldn't talk to tell me whether I needed to worry or not, and I certainly didn't want my dear husband, (who is getting on up in years, and not able to swiftly get out of the way, poor thing!) , to get bitten by what might, or might not be a poisonous reptile. So............ I bravely, and with great trepidation, lunged at him, grabbed him by the tail, and whisked him with lightening speed into a soft-drink cup. Now, this is probably not the best thing in the world to keep a possibly poisonous reptile in, but out in the wilderness, you do what you have to do, to accomplish the task at hand; (protecting my aged, infirm, ...........well, you know.) I did manage to find some screen-wire and rubber bands to secure the top of the cup; (this wilderness was maybe not quite so void of SOME needed items, it seems.) Well, to make a long story short, we took Elmer, (the baby snake) up to my brother-in-laws house; and we were told that he was just a chicken snake, wouldn't hurt you, actually make good pets, and so forth and so on. We took him home to show JoAnna, and then let the poor little creature go forth back out into the wilderness, to do what snakes do. (Ok, ok, this is what really happened: I took him out to show him to JoAnna and Joe, and he took one look at freedom, and jumped right out of my hands, and took off like a streak of brown and tan lightening, vvvrrrroooooommmmm! ) Oh well, I've got vermin up here that need to be eaten too.................